Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Alive.
So much puke
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
