She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
