My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize