Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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