I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
