Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
