Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm both gender and math confused
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
