she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
