there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
