Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
