She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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