and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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