Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just had sex on a roof
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
