Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
