I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
