Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
