the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize