What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
