I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
