Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
