Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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