I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
