Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize