Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
