There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
