just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize