The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
