Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
