dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
