just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
