All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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