After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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