Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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