I cockslap morals
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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