I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
