Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
