Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
