Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
