so explain again why im purple
no
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
