im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
