I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
