Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
