Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
