the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Let's paint friendship bongs
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
