and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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