Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
