oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
