Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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