Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize