some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Couch. On fire.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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