so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize