Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
