I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
