just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
