She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize