we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
