i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This toilet bowl is my home.
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