we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize