Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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