I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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