last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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