she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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