That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
